Have you noticed how enthusiasm and passion between two individuals can diminish as time goes on? Whether or not it's a romance, friendship, or work relationship, sometimes the air goes right out of your sails, seemingly for no reason.
In general, our society confuses sacrifice with love, teaching us the virtue of loving other individuals more than ourselves. So we try to demonstrate or prove love with sacrifice, and we get upset or really feel unloved if others won't sacrifice for us.
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But sacrifice is a wheel that crushes everyone who gets on it. It goes like this:
1. If you sacrifice (do something you do not actually want to do for fear of what will occur if you don't) you have ...
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2. An unspoken expectation (example: they are going to sacrifice for you later or regard you in a particular way or love you more) that creates hidden agendas, but, you get...
3. Disappointed mainly because they fail to fulfill their end of the bargain (example: love you the way you need them to or do what you want them to) so, you grow to be...
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4. Resentful, possibly angry ("After all I've done for you!"), that leads inevitably to...
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5. Guilt (because resentment is an attack on the other and attack always boomerangs at some level), so the very best way to atone for your guilt would be to...
6. Sacrifice even more to prove what a fantastic and loving person you truly are. And 'round and 'round you go on the wheel of sacrifice.
There are various websites, publications, blogs, forums and even lessons intended to answer the question, what should I do to get my ex back? But common sense can actually make a difference after a breakup. And common courtesy can go a long way toward healing your relationship.
You may be wondering if we think it's ever okay to give. Obviously! Real service, or authentic giving, has no strings attached and expects absolutely nothing in return later.
The reward is within the experience of the giving itself. When you see that you have been sacrificing, how do you get off this vicious circle? Three ways:
1. Use forgiveness to remedy your guilty thoughts and feelings.
2. Stop sacrificing and develop a new understanding in your romantic relationships that sacrifice is toxic.
Agree not to do it any longer or expect other individuals to do it for you, which means you've got the freedom to say no without losing love.
3. Make clear requests and express explicit expectations.
Can you imagine what your relationships might be like if nobody sacrificed, but did only what they wanted to do? The people you love and who love you would be in your life mainly because they actually chose to be there, not because they felt it was required or it was what they were "supposed" to do.
Follow the previously mentioned advice by david deangelo and find success in love and life.
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